I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
