The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize