I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
