He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
