Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
