When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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