I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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