I must be too annoying 4 u.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
