you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
