Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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