You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Randomize
