i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
