she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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