I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
