I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
