i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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