he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
the day after is always just damage control
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
