I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
