The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I want you more than these girls want KFC
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
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