Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize