my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
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