We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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