i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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