I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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