..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Randomize
