Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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