Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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