And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
