i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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