what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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