in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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