The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
