I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
