They should really pass out barf bags in church
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
