Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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