Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
