Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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