that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
