I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
