im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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