I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize