His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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