Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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