now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
