You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
