I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
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