so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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