I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
