The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
