It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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