Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize