Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Randomize
