woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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