He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
