You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
