You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
