i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
