So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
a search helicopter?!
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
