Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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