I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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