Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Randomize
