YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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