where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
