I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
