I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
