We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
