Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
