So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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