is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
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