I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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