M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Randomize
