Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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