So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
