Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
All I want is dick and wine.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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