I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
