Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
