I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Randomize
