Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
