dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
