i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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