your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
two words: eviction party
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
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