Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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