i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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