I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
